Stranger Than Fiction

Well, it’s been a strange few weeks, and had I more time, I would have faithfully chronicled some of the more bizarre news stories that have come out lately. I’ve been pretty busy though, so here’s a whole post full of the latest … truly unbelievable news:

The Twitter Revolution in Moldova

Protests broke out in Moldova as angry protestors fed up with their Communist overlords took to the streets. The young protestors, interestingly, were reported to have used Twitter to organize their anti-government rallies.

Castro Offers Obama Help

This story begins when six members of the Congressional Black Caucus decided to travel to Cuba, for presumably dubious reasons. Congressman Cleaver said of Raul Castro: “He’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.” Moreover, when three of the Congressional “delegation” met personally with the infamous Marxist dictator Fidel Castro, he asked, “How can we help President Obama?”

To Infinity And Beyond!

Former Astronaut Edgar Mitchell, who walked on the Moon during the Apollo 14 mission (the one where Alan Shephard famously hit golf balls), vigorously reiterated his position that we are being visited by space aliens, and said, “Our destiny, in my opinion, and we might as well get started with it, is to become a part of the planetary community.”

Jesse Jackson To The Rescue

If you were falsely imprisoned in Iran on trumped-up charges, who would you expect to offer to help you? Why, never fear, the Reverend Jackson is here!

Jesus Hidden Under A Bushel

The (ostensibly Catholic) Georgetown University hosted President Obama as he delivered a speech on the economy. However, as the “stage” was set for Obama to speak, the Catholic symbol “IHS” (which is a now-obscure abbreviation of “Jesus”) was mysteriously covered up on the request of Obama’s aids so that it did not appear on camera.

Bayer Safe Than Sorry

When the Chemical Safety Board (CSB, you know, like NTSB) began to investigate an explosion at a Bayer chemical plant, a strange thing happened. It turns out that when the CSB tried to release information from their investigation, that Bayer invoked an obscure clause in an anti-terrorism bill (2002 Federal Maritime Transportation Security Act), claiming that the information in the report would compromise national security. It seems like Bayer wants to keep some secrets to itself.

Hater-In-Chief

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ranted predictably at a UN-affiliated anti-racism conference in Switzerland. What could possibly make this story any more hilarious? Ah, you asked for it… France’s foreign minister criticized the United States for not attending the conference. Sometimes, it’s comforting when everyone is reliably neurotic.